What's On Watson?

I know what you’re thinking. What is this girl’s beef with Emma Watson? Well, I’ll stop trashing her when she stops giving me material. Firstly, let’s not kid around, I was seriously disappointed to see her on the cover of Vogue this month. First Cheryl, and now this? But more disturbing than that are the outfits our dear Watson has been sporting on the red carpet over the last couple of days. So, you don’t have style, so what? You’re in Vogue bragging about having £25m in the bank, so HIRE A STYLIST!

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This is not just a moan, though, I have suggestions…

You want to wear black lave? That’s fine! How about this DAY Birger et Mikkelsen Lace dress? No silly feathers, no visible bra, and no call for disastrous fashion tape applications… Tiffany’s jewellery for seriously chic sparkle, a Lulu Guinness clutch for a touch of English rock’n’roll and Louboutins. The make up is great, we’ll leave that alone.

If I could dress you however I liked, though, you’d be wearing this…

The most amazing Oscar de la Renta dress you, or I, or anyone, has ever seen, columnar, the height of elegance. Understated jewellery from Tiffany’s (bracelet from charmandchain), Louboutin shoes and a Swarovski crystal-covered clutch. A red carpet look that says, ‘Look world, I’m all grown up, and worthy of the cover of Vogue’… And not a bra strap, feather or shred of tit-tape to be seen…

Polyvore

Two Cents...

Everybody’s talking about Emma Watson’s haircut. So, quickly, here are my two cents…

I think it looks a little silly. Moreover, it seems like a desperate attempt to regain media attention when she made the move to become ordinary and attend Brown in peace. There’s a slight sense of this haircut suddenly allowing her to shed the Hermione-image, and move into a league with the other (more talented) pixie-cut actresses, like Carey Mulligan.

Plus, she looks a little silly.

So, there you go. My two-cents.

Here's an ACTUAL ordinary person making it work...

Isn't There A Spell To Reverse That?

Emma Watson is showing us how NOT to do ‘festival style’. A corset top that looks like a prop from a bad Renaissance sitcom, too long, too short, too tight denim shorts, a bag that looks like it came from the gift shop at a Caribbean hotel and wellies with long socks! Ok, if you’re not in the UK, then you won’t know that the weather at the moment is stiflingly hot. How in the world is she wearing socks and wellies?! I was roasting today in ballet pumps!!

Bad, bad, bad. Sometimes t-shirts, shorts and flip-flops are enough…

The Love'n'Lame Lists

The LOVE List

Natalia

Just utterly, UTTERLY gorgeous. A total girl-crush, but also pretty life legendary. Married to Lord Portman and mama to a growing brood, Natalia just has that doe-eyed-but-perverse look about her that makes her utterly delicious to look at.

Miroslava

Obviously the newest addition to the Love List. Everything I wish I was, and some of the things I am (5 foot 2 and brunette!) she's no.1 in the style stakes.

Anna

Not an obvious role model in many ways, but just so fucking fabulous at her job. Chilly, brilliant, no-nonsense and Queen of the fashion world. All hail!

Grace

For having the kind of creative vision which make me crave Vogue and all its magical shoots.

Kate

For being Marianna, and for being Hanna. A truly ballsy English rose.

Emma

There isn't a cooler woman in the world. Part of the Cambridge footlights crew from the beginning, and gives of the air of being a total bloody legend. I want to be her friend so badly...

The LAME List

Sienna

For being famous for sleeping with Jude Law. Never ever ever a good reason to be famous. Bad actress, bad designer, bad taste in men. 'The September List' ultimately exposed her as wholly talentless. Also, for promoting the scruffy-boho look. Peasant tops? Boo!

Emma

Watch her eyebrows when she 'acts'. They're incredible. Not a style icon, no matter how much her PR would like her to be. Rude and superior, by all accounts. Always ironic coming from someone rather lacking in superior talent or skill.